I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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