I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
