I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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