Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
