was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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