a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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