You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
