Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
