Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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