I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize