my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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