using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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