Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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