i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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