my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
