to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
