This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
