He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize