It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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