Plan B is the new Plan A
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize