I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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