I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
