Don't make out with my wife yet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
