you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
