their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
