just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
