Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
