it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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