we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
