you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize