well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
