Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
