You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
