he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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