they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
