she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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