I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
