i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
