dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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