anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize