I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
