Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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