i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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