i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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