My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize