It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize