she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I touched a dick in church today
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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