sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
