I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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