just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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