All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
