When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
