oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
