how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize