we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
