the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
