Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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