He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
