We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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