I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize