Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize