Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
