he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
