i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
