Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
